


to go chasing a whale

by Mr_Phich



Series: everyone needs a chance to be small [15]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bed-Wetting, Brotherly Bonding, Clint and Bucky are Brothers, Clint is an Awesome Brother, Cuddling & Snuggling, Daddy!Steve, Diapers, Families of Choice, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Little!Bucky - Freeform, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Non-Sexual Age Play, Sharing a Bed, Sleepovers, Unconventional Families, Wetting, little!Clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-25 17:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7541011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Phich/pseuds/Mr_Phich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's good to have a brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Wednesday! As always, thanks for reading, kudoing, and commenting! I continue to have a delay in responding to comments, but I promise I'm working on them!

 

_ Needles and pins,  _

_ Needles and pins, _

_ Sew me a sail _

_ To catch me the wind. _

_ Sew me a sail _

_ Strong as the gale, _

_ Carpenter, bring out your _

_ Hammers and nails. _

_ Hammers and nails, _

_ Hammers and nails, _

_ Build me a boat _

_ To go chasing the whales. _

_ Chasing the whales, _

_ Sailing the blue _

_ Find me a captain _

_ And sign me a crew. _

_ Captain and crew, _

_ Captain and crew, _

_ Take me, oh take me _

_ To anywhere new. _

  
  
  
  


It wasn’t so much fear, that Bucky felt these days, though he struggled to explain that to anyone. It was more that the ground was made of thin ice and you never knew which parts were going to support you and when you were going to fall into freezing water, gasping, and terrified, and unable to find the surface. 

Bucky spent a lot of time trying to figure out the ice that made up his ground. He thought it had been a couple months, since he came back to Steve, but it could have been weeks. (Sometimes it feels like maybe it’s been years, but he’s just forgotten it all again). Steve was like the opposite of salt. He made the ice firmer, less likely to crack under Bucky’s feet. And he would catch Bucky if he did fall through the ice, with steady hands. That was the only thing Bucky really believed in at first. 

But Steve opened up Bucky’s entire world. And now he had Clint and sometimes (when he wasn’t angry or sad) Thor. And last week they’d gone out into the rest of the tower (which was all new ice) to meet Steve and Clint’s friends. 

All of that had been when he was little, of course. Being little didn’t make the ice any thicker or the water any warmer, but it sort of made him feel like he was wearing a life vest, which was a really good feeling. That feeling was why Bucky spent most of his time little. It was just easier. Safer. And he knew that Steve was okay, whichever way he was. It made the anger and the fear easier to deal with, to be able to be held and comforted and taken care of and not have any shame about it.

Bucky was not quite little, that morning while he and Steve ate breakfast. Steve was mostly the same, whichever way Bucky was. Kind, and gentle, and sensitive but also strong and decisive. He was whatever Bucky needed him to be, most of the time. (Bucky felt really bad about that, some days, but he didn’t want to think about it because that would make the ice crack). 

Wednesdays Clint came over to play. But Bucky kinda wanted to go play on the common floor (maybe with their new toy from Tony?) and he was trying to figure out how to ask Steve. Bucky’s words got confused, somewhere between his brain and his mouth, a lot of the time. And it was also hard to ask, because. Well, he hadn’t asked for a long time. Couldn’t ask for anything. Bucky shivered. 

“Everything alright, bud?” Steve called Bucky bud all the time. Buckaroo or roo or baby was reserved for when he was little, though. 

“Yeah.” Bucky said. And then, “Maybe we go play upstairs today?” He knew it took a long time for all the words to come together, but Steve just sat there all patient, waiting.

Steve looked surprised. And then he looked happy. “We’ll have to ask Clint, but I think so.”

“Can we go now?” Bucky asked. That was a lot of questions. He felt tired, his brain a little fuzzy and achy. Steve looked surprised and happy again, and that was always good. 

“Sure. You know that if we see Clint he might be big, right?” Bucky took a minute to think again. He’d never seen Clint big except when he was leaving, but that was okay. Clint was his friend. He nodded. 

“Alright, bud. That was really nice asking, so I think we can put a star up on your chart, okay?”

Bucky brightened. Right now he was earning some new dolls for his doll house, so he liked that he got a star. Bucky took two more bites of his breakfast (cause unless he finished the whole thing, Daddy always made him take two more anyway.) 

Daddy laughed at his rush, but got up with him to go put his star up (green with apples, this time). Bucky started to go for the door, cause there was a good sort of energy bouncing all around him and he just wanted to go. 

“Potty and pull up, roo.” Daddy said, laughing. Bucky thought about saying no (like Clint would) but he wasn’t really friends with these people yet and they wouldn’t want to be his friend or play with him if he had an accident. And then they might figure out that Clint had accidents, and then Clint would never talk to him ever again. 

“‘Kay,” He agreed. Daddy held his hand on the way to the bathroom, which was nice, even though Bucky didn’t need it to stay on top of the ice like he had before. Daddy even helped him with his pants, even though Bucky could do that by himself now too. While Bucky peed Daddy got one of Bucky’s pull ups out. Bucky blushed. He didn’t wear them at home (except to nap, but that was different). Clint sometimes did, during the day. At home, he meant. But Clint didn’t wear them when he was big. It was kinda confusing, really, but Daddy said that Bucky got to choose now, unless he needed Daddy to choose. 

Daddy helped him with his pull up too, and with washing his hands (which was harder than people thought, with just one hand. How were you supposed to get the back of your hand? Daddy had attached a brush to the side of the sink so Bucky  _ could  _ do it on his own. But it was better when Daddy  soaped up his hands with Bucky’s). Daddy held his hand to the elevator. Bucky thought about asking to be picked up (he didn’t have to use words for that, so that was an easy ask), but Daddy was carrying two bags and Bucky thought about how Daddy’s friends teased him (nice teasing, Daddy said) about always carrying him. Bucky could be brave. But he did squeeze Daddy’s hand, but that was okay because Daddy squeezed back. Daddy always squeezed the perfect amount. 

There weren’t a lot of people on the floor yet, just Natasha and Bruce, who were talking over a newspaper. But that was nice, because it was quieter and not so overwhelming, so the ice felt a little firmer. Bruce did a funny blinky thing at them and then said, “Oh, good morning! We weren’t expecting you!”

“We were up early,” Daddy explained, “And Bucky wanted to come play up here.”

Bruce smiled at him. Bucky tucked his chin and looked at his toes, just to make sure they were still on the ground. 

“That’s lovely,” Said Natasha. “I’m glad you wanted to come play.”

Oh. That was nice. Maybe Natasha would play? She had played with him and Clint and she was a really good finger painter. Plus he sorta kinda remembered her in a way that didn’t hurt. Bucky liked memories that didn’t hurt. Most of those were about Steve. His words felt all messed up though, so he just kinda tugged on Daddy a little. 

Daddy leaned over to put his head right by Bucky’s. 

“What’s up, buckaroo?” The nickname made Bucky feel like the life vest was a little stronger and fit a little better. The words in his head tumbled a little, but he got a couple loose. 

“Natasha play?” He couldn’t say them loud, but Daddy always heard him, so Bucky didn’t have to get his words loud. Daddy smiled and pushed Bucky’s hair back, giving him a kiss on his forehead. 

“Natasha, Bucky is wondering if you would be willing to play with him?” Daddy asked for him. Natasha blinked once, slow. 

“Of course,” She said, getting to her feet. “What would you like to play, Yasha?” That name always made the ice quiver, but not in a bad way. Not in a good way. Just kinda quiver under his feet. But Daddy was holding his hand and it was okay. Oh, but Natasha had asked him a question, he realized as Daddy led him down the stairs, following Natasha. Daddy was waiting patiently and so was Natasha, which was nice. Clint didn’t always wait for Bucky to think and decide. 

Bucky was having trouble with words, so instead he just got his dolls out of  the backpack. His two favorite dolls had to stay at home, because Daddy had made them special for him when he decided to be little. Bucky slept with them at night, but he didn’t want to take them out, cause they might get dirty. (Clint’s blankie had gotten dirty once and he hadn’t wanted to play til it came out of the wash.) Shyly he held one up to Natasha. It was a little girl doll. She was wearing shorts from last time Bucky had played and it took a moment to find the tutu, which he handed to Natasha too. 

She smiled at him, making Bucky’s tummy go all fluttery. 

“These are nice dolls, Bucky.” Bruce said. Bucky started, he hadn’t realized Bruce had come down too. The ice cracked a little under him, but then he was leaning against Daddy. 

And Daddy was saying, “It’s okay Bucky, that’s Bruce. You remember me telling you about Bruce, don’t you. He’s very nice and very quiet. It’s okay.” Daddy shifted him away from the broken ice, and when it was steadier, Bucky looked at Bruce. 

Bruce did look calm (not like Tony or Thor) and he was just sitting there, all quiet. 

“Dolls are Bucky’s favorite, aren’t they, roo?” Daddy said, nice and easy. Bucky nodded. He knew Clint didn’t always like to play with dolls (unless they could be astronauts or pirates or jungle explorers), but Daddy said it was okay for them to like different things.

“Roo?” Bruce asked. Natasha was making the little girl doll dance across the floor, spinning and spinning. And then the little boy doll started dancing too. Bucky had never made his dolls dance before. 

“Short for Buckaroo,” Daddy said, voice kinda muffly behind Bucky’s head, which probably meant he was a little embarrassed. 

“That’s possibly the cutest nickname that I have ever heard.” Natasha said, as her doll twirled. Bucky peeked away from Natasha’s dolls to look at Bruce. Bruce made a silly face at him, and Bucky giggled. He didn’t know other grown ups could be silly, besides Daddy. 

Slowly, watching Natasha, Bucky made his doll dance too. Natasha’s doll did a fancy jump and Bucky’s doll did too. Then Natasha had two dolls and they were dancing together and Bucky couldn’t do that, because he only had one hand. But Daddy’s hand came around, holding the other doll and those dolls danced too. Not as fast as Natasha’s dolls, but that was okay. Daddy always said it was all right to take your time, to go as slow as you needed, that you shouldn’t try to go any faster than you felt like. 

They played a long time (it felt like). Natasha and Bruce were really good at dolls, and Bucky usually only had Daddy to play dolls with. But now every doll could be played by a different person, and so many things could happen. Sometimes that was kind of scary, because they could’ve made bad things happen to the dolls, but they didn’t. They told a story where all the dolls were friends and took care of each other. Sometimes the dolls went dancing. Sometimes they went to school or work. But there was always time for food and hugs and sleep for all of the dolls. Bucky’s words mostly stayed tangled up inside, but sometimes he made his doll talk too. When his doll talked, all the other dolls would stop and listen and think about what his doll had said before they kept talking. 

Bucky wasn’t prepared for when the elevator doors opened and a bunch of people came out, smiling and talking (loudly) and waving their arms around. The ice cracked and crunched and broke and then he was in the ice and it was so cold and wet and it stuck to him and tried to crawl inside of his body and block his ears and Bucky couldn’t breathe without the water trickling down into his lungs and freezing him up. But then Daddy’s arms were there, steady and warm and the life vest was helping pick him up and Daddy kept pulling, not too fast, until Bucky’s head came out of the water. His face was all covered in tears and Daddy must have give him his paci, cause that was in his mouth. It was quiet now, but there were a lot of eyes looking at him and Bucky hid his face in Daddy’s shirt and waited until all the cold water went away. But then he noticed that some of it stuck in his pull up, which meant. He whined, his face turning red. He pushed tighter into Daddy who rocked him slow, back and forth. But Daddy didn’t seem to realize he was wet. Bucky didn’t want to be wet. More tears leaked out of his eyes. 

“Shh, baby. That was scary wasn’t it? What can Daddy do to make it better?” Daddy was already making it better (he always made it better) but Bucky didn’t know how to tell Daddy about his pull up. He just whimpered again. He didn’t know the words for this, they were all knotted up inside and he couldn’t say anything in front of anyone cause they might hear. 

Finally, finally, Daddy patted his bum and made a little oh noise under his breath. 

“Let’s go wash your face, roo. Take a little quiet minute, okay?” Daddy said, getting to his feet. The floor and the ice swung away in a wave of warmth, like it always did when Daddy picked him up. Daddy grabbed the bag and Clint was probably right, eventually everyone would see that Daddy only took that bag to the bathroom and they would figure it out. Bucky blushed into Daddy’s neck. 

Daddy closed the door behind them and the robot who ran the building, JARVIS (who told really good bedtime stories), locked the door. 

“Sorry, Daddy,” Bucky whispered as soon as it was safe. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Bucky. You couldn’t help it.” And that’s what Daddy always said, but Bucky should be able to help it. It was icky and embarrassing and Daddy always acted like it was no big deal, even though it was. Bucky tried to sort through all the feeling and thoughts and finally said, “Only babies wet.”

“Is Clint a baby?” Daddy asked, all calm, still hugging Bucky tight. 

“...no,” Bucky said. 

“Clint has accidents, doesn’t he?”

“Yes, but… you said, Loki.” Bucky tried to put the words together like Daddy had. 

“Loki made it hard for Clint. HYDRA made it hard for you. Sometimes it’s hard for no reason at all.” Bucky kinda shrugged. Daddy sighed a little. 

“Let’s get you changed, bud. We’ll work it out, okay?” Bucky was tired of thinking about it, so he nodded. His brain didn’t like thinking about something too long, it would start to hurt and tremble. Daddy said that he could hold the things Bucky’s brain wasn’t ready to hold until it was.

Sometimes Daddy changing him was nice. Daddy took the icky away and replaced it with feeling clean and safe and like he didn’t have to worry about it for a while. When Bucky was all clean, they went back out. 

Everyone was up in the kitchen now,  so Daddy carried him up there. Once Daddy sat down with Bucky in his lap, Pepper leaned forward to look at Bucky, which was kinda a lot, cause Bucky wasn’t used to be looked at.

“Sorry we startled you, Bucky.”

Bucky put his eyes up against Daddy’s body again. He wasn’t mad. They didn’t have to say sorry. It wasn’t their fault the ice was under his feet. 

“It’s okay.” Daddy said, and Bucky could hear his voice under his ear, which was nice because it meant Daddy was right there and all of Bucky’s senses said so. Bucky could hear Daddy’s voice and his heartbeat and his breathing. Daddy smelled like bubble bath and laundry detergent and like toast and a little bit like diaper cream. Bucky could feel daddy pressed up against him. Daddy was big and strong but he felt gentle, like he was always thinking about the best way to touch people. Bucky’s paci tasted like the special soap Daddy used to clean it, and the inside of his pocket, and like his skin. Bucky didn’t need to open his eyes, but if he did he could see Daddy too. That made him feel a little braver, so he turned so he could see the table a little bit. He could see Bruce and Thor, who waved at him. Bucky stuck his fingers out and waved them back. Thor was kinda his friend, even though he only came when Daddy had to go. 

Daddy rubbed his back, “Buck, you want some food?”

They’d already eaten breakfast, but Daddy was putting some things on his own plate anyway. Daddy always did say that their bodies needed lots of extra energy. He nodded, slow. 

“Alright, bud. Do you want to pick or would you like me too?”

Bucky thought. While he was thinking, he heard the elevators doors open again. Quick he brought his hand up to cover his ears, but then he heard Clint. 

“Oh! Hey. What’re you guys doin’ down here?” Clint sounded different than he usually did, but Daddy had said that Clint was gonna be big. Bucky wasn’t used to big Clint. The ice felt a little slick, under his feet, like maybe he could fall through but maybe it would be fine. 

“Bucky wanted to come play,” Daddy explained, voice bright and happy, which made Bucky feel a little more sure. 

“Awesome,” Clint said, and then Clint was sitting down on the side of the table Bucky could see and smiling at him. “G’morning Bucky!”

Bucky smiled back and carefully said, “G’morning Clint.” 

Clint turned to talk to Bruce after that, but it was nice that he was just right there. Bucky got to watch him when he was big, that way. Clint talked a little bigger but mostly he seemed the same to Bucky. He was still silly and kinda loud. It was hard to tell if big Clint was as cuddly as little Clint, because breakfast wasn’t a very cuddly time.  Bucky ate his second breakfast slowly because he didn’t want to get sick like he sometimes did and by the time he was done, everyone was just sitting around and talking and laughing. 

Bucky had to focus if he wanted it all to make sense, so he just sort of sat there against Daddy and let the noise be around him. It was good noise - not scary noise, warm and far away from the ice. Finally Bucky felt brave enough that he wanted to play - but he really wanted to play with Clint, because Clint was a good builder. He wasn’t sure if Clint would want to play. Bucky squirmed and Daddy’s head came it to view. 

“What’s up roo?” Daddy asked, voice gentle and eyes soft. It took a minute for Bucky to get his words together. It was harder when he thought new people might hear him, so he used his quietest voice, the one only Daddy could hear. 

“Play with new - present?” He knew the words weren’t quite right but before he could get frustrated, Daddy answered. 

“We can do that.” Daddy kept his voice quiet too, because he knew Bucky didn’t like to draw attention when he was talking 

“Clint?” Bucky asked, hoping Daddy would understand. Daddy’s face creased up a little and Bucky’s belly quivered. 

“I don’t know if he’ll want to play, baby, but we can ask.” Bucky sighed a little. He really wanted to play with Clint but big Clint probably wouldn’t want to play. 

“You do?” Bucky pressed, feeling like it would be too much to make words for Clint too. Daddy smiled and stroked his hair, nodding. 

“Clint?” Daddy’s voice asked, a little louder. Bucky moved so that he was mostly hidden but could also sort of see Clint’s face, which turned to Daddy. 

“Yep?” 

“Bucky’s wondering if you would play with the new building toy you got from Tony with him.” Clint kinda frowned and a little pink showed in his cheeks and the ice crunched a little under Bucky. 

“That would be most fun!” Thor said, peering down at the two of them and smiling his bright smile. 

“I think that with the right adjustments I could make a second floor that bore weight,” Tony said. 

Clint’s face lightened a little bit and he leaned down to look at Bucky. He used a quiet voice too. 

“Will it be alright if I stay big?” Bucky nodded quick. He didn’t mind if Clint was big or little - he was still Bucky’s brother and friend. “Okay!”

Daddy lifted him and carried Bucky to the living room, Clint right next to him. Daddy put him down and at first Bucky wasn’t sure how to feel about that because everybody had come into the living room after them and it all felt a bit overwhelming. He whined and pressed into Daddy’s side. Daddy rubbed his back up and down, from the top of Bucky’s pull up to the neckline of his t-shirt. The sensation settled him in his skin a little, pulling the ice far away.

Tony was pulling the box over and then tipped it, sending the pieces flying. It was a bit of a free for all after that. The chaos was overwhelming, but Clint pulled him into it and stayed at his side and Daddy was always close by too. All the loud noise and talking and throwing of pieces meant it was definitely not Bucky’s favorite way to play. After a little bit it got to be too much and he retreated to Daddy who was sitting on the couch next to Pepper. 

Daddy opened his arms and Bucky climbed onto his lap. He almost fell but Daddy caught and steadied him and Bucky leaned gratefully against Daddy’s chest. 

“They’re pretty loud, aren’t they?” Pepper asked, smiling kindly. Bucky looked up at Daddy who smiled encouragingly. Bucky nodded slowly. “We can plan a quiet play time if you’d like.”

Bucky shrugged. He didn’t want people going out of the way for him, he really didn’t. 

Daddy said, “That would be nice. Bucky’s still getting used to being around so many people.”

“Understandable,” Pepper responded. Bucky nosed at Daddy’s chest. Now that he was just sitting he kind of wanted a paci. It was nice to have something in his mouth, because the feelings helped him remember where he was. A paci was different than a bite guard and he’d never had one while he was with HYDRA. When he had a paci he knew he was with Daddy. 

“What do you need, Bucky?” Daddy asked, leaning close. Bucky glanced over at Pepper. He wondered if she would tease him. He knew only babies used pacis. But he wanted it and Daddy said he could have anything he wanted as long as it didn’t hurt himself or anyone else. 

“Paci,” He whispered to Daddy. Daddy immediately pulled Bucky’s green and pink paci from his pocket. He sucked off the pocket lint and held it up to Bucky’s lips. Bucky didn’t look at Pepper and opened his mouth, accepting it and starting to suck. The slidy ice feelings faded a little and Bucky settled a little better into Daddy’s lap. Daddy brought his arms around Bucky’s body, which was even better. 

For a while he just sat there, feeling Daddy’s voice rumble against him while Daddy talked to Pepper. Sometimes he watched the others playing. Despite what Clint had said, he was little now, giggling and talking loudly and running around in circles. Bucky was happy that Clint got to do loud play. He couldn’t do loud playing with Clint that often, even though his brother really liked it. Bucky was glad Clint had other friends who could play like that. He happy hummed around his paci and looked up at Daddy. Daddy’s face was turned to Pepper and because Bucky was squished in his lap, he couldn’t see much of Daddy’s face but Daddy looked happy too. 

But Bucky was a little bit bored. He wanted to play with his dolls or have Daddy read to him. He tugged on Daddy’s sleeve and Daddy immediately turned to look down at him. 

“Dolls?” Bucky asked. Daddy smiled. 

“Yeah. Let me get them out.” Daddy rearranged Bucky a little and pulled up the backpack. He undid the zipper for Bucky and Bucky peered in. He found a couple of his small plastic dolls and some of the animals Pepper had given him and pulled them out. Daddy put the bag down and said, “I’ve gotta check on Clint real quick, bud. Do you mind sitting here with Pepper for a couple minutes?”

Bucky looked up, feeling a little cold and slippy. Clint was still playing and he was wiggling around between the tubes of the spaceship they were building. He looked okay to Bucky. But Daddy wouldn’t leave unless he had to, Bucky knew that. Pepper was pretty quiet. She seemed safe enough. 

“Star?” He asked. Daddy grinned and ruffled Bucky’s hair. 

“Sure thing, roo.” Daddy settled him on the couch and got up to walk over to Clint. Bucky peeked at Pepper who was smiling at him. Carefully he handed her a doll. She smiled bigger. 

*

Clint hadn’t meant to be little, he really hadn’t. But they were building a  _ treehouse spaceship _ which was probably the most amazing thing ever and he’d just gotten so excited that his brain had just switched right over without him meaning too. That didn’t usually happen, but it could if he watched a kid’s movie, or was just hanging out with Steve. Mostly he accidentally switched when he was really sad or scared. He guessed it was kinda nice that he could also accidentally switch when he was really happy. 

He didn’t know how long they’d been playing. Bucky had gone to sit with Daddy a while ago, which Clint felt sort of bad about. But all his other friends were still playing and they seemed excited about their spaceship too so Clint tried not to feel too bad. He been wiggling to put a new tube in place for a wall when Daddy was right by his elbow. Daddy was smiling all big and happy and Clint smiled really big back. 

“Daddy! We’re building a spaceship treehouse!” 

“You are? That’s awesome!” Daddy said. Clint nodded. It was awesome. Then quieter Daddy said, “I need to talk to you just a minute over here, kay bud?”

Clint whined and shook his head. He didn’t want to stop playing, but Daddy was nodding firmly and took Clint by his elbow and pulled him over to a quiet corner of the room. Clint pouted and crossed his arms. He wiggled his hips. He wanted to play! 

Daddy was looking at him all careful. “Clint do you need to potty?”

Clint blushed and looked around quick to make sure no one was close enough to hear. And then he shook his head. He only sorta had to pee. He could keep playing. 

“Clint,” Daddy said slowly and very quietly, “You’re not wearing a pull up.”

Clint blushed more. He knew he wasn’t wearing a pull up. He was a big boy. He didn’t need a pull up. He wiggled again. 

Daddy kept talking, “I know it’s hard to take breaks to go potty when you’re playing, buddy, but I don’t think you want to have an accident in front of your friends so I just want you to try.”

Clint blushed bright red and his stomach squirmed and he felt a little sick. Daddy was right, Clint didn’t want that. He really really really didn’t want that. 

“Okay,” He mumbled. His eyes were kinda burny because he didn’t like thinking about having an accident and he felt bad that Daddy had to tell him to go potty because he was a big boy. 

“It’s okay, buddy.” Daddy said and rubbed his shoulder. “That’s why you have a Daddy, hmm? So I can remember for you and all you have to worry about is playing.”

Clint swallowed and nodded. Daddy ruffled his hair. 

“Do you want me to go in with you?” Daddy asked. Clint did want that. But he also didn’t. He also didn’t want to go in because maybe people would guess that Daddy had reminded him to go and - his breath was getting a little quick and a tear was trying to push out of his eye. “Hm. I think we need a quiet minute, anyway, huh?”

Clint nodded quickly. He needed a snuggle. Daddy led him over to the bathroom and opened the door and Clint noticed that Daddy had the bathroom bag and he blushed all over again. Daddy closed the door behind them and locked it. 

Clint wiggled his way over to the potty and started to try undoing his jeans. Daddy was there helping him a second later and then Clint was sitting on the potty and, oh, maybe he’d had to go really really bad. In fact as he was looking down he noticed his undies were a little wet. Clint whimpered. If Daddy hadn’t come to get him he would have had an accident in front of all his friends. Daddy had noticed too because he was pulling down Clint’s jeans and undies. Clint started to cry and Daddy looked up. 

“Oh lovebug, don’t cry. This doesn’t count as an accident, just a little leak is all. That happens to everybody.” Clint didn’t believe him and cried a little harder. Now that he was done peeing Daddy picked him up, even though Clint was half nakey. Clint put his head in Daddy’s neck and sniffled. 

“It’s alright, baby. You did so good this morning. Why don’t we get you dressed and wash your hands and you can go play some more.” Clint sniffled again. He didn’t want to play anymore. He wanted to go home and cuddle with Daddy and Bucky and maybe have lunch. 

“Go home,” He told Daddy. Daddy shifted his shoulders. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. Clint nodded. He thought about the spaceship again.

“Maybe come back later.”

Daddy sort of laughed at that. “Okay. I think a little break would be good.” Then Daddy was tugging a pull up into place around Clint’s hips. Clint didn’t ever tell anyone but he sorta liked how the pull ups felt. He especially liked knowing that if he forgot to go to the bathroom no one would know except Clint and Daddy. That made him feel safe. Daddy was putting his jeans on too, carefully buttoning them between their bodies. Clint wondered if you could see his pull up through his jeans, but Daddy wouldn’t let anyone find out so Clint put the thought away and cuddled closer to Daddy, who was packing their stuff up and then opening the door. Everyone was still playing loudly and Clint relaxed a little. They probably hadn’t realized what happened. Daddy walked around the spaceship to the couch where Bucky was. 

He could feel Daddy moving some things around and then Bucky was on the other side of Daddy. Clint turned so he could see Bucky’s face. Bucky smiled at him and then yawned. Clint yawned back.

“Everything alright?” Pepper asked. The noise was quieting a little and Clint squirmed and blushed. He thought they were probably looking at him and he didn’t really want to be looked at. 

“Yeah, everything’s good. My boys are just getting a little tired. Need a bit of a break and a nap.”

“Nuhuh!” Clint whined at Daddy. Pepper and Daddy both laughed. 

“We might be around later, depending on how they’re feeling.” 

“Thanks for coming up this morning,” Bruce said softly. Clint started a little and squished closer to Bucky and Daddy. He hadn’t known Bruce had come over. 

“Thanks for being so welcoming,” Daddy’s voice sounded funny - happy and sad and like he loved everybody a whole lot. Clint loved Daddy a whole lot. 

“Any time,” Tony said. His voice was quieter than normal, which was nice. Daddy nodded, his chin gently touching Clint’s head and started walking toward the elevator. Clint waited until the elevator doors were closed to lift his head up and talk to Bucky. 

“Did you have fun Bucky? Sorry we were loud.”

“S’okay. I had fun. I like watching.” Bucky had also lifted his head to look at Clint better. 

“I’m glad you both had fun,” Daddy said. “I bet you’re both ready for some lunch, huh?”

“Tortellini soup?” Bucky asked, looking up at Daddy. Clint looked up too. He liked tortellini soup. Daddy smiled a little bit. 

“That will take too long. How about I make that for dinner tonight? I have some herbivore nuggets for lunch, how’s that sound?” Herbivore nuggets were veggie burgers shaped like dinosaurs. Clint didn’t usually like veggie burgers that much but Daddy made really good ones. 

“‘Kay,” Clint said around a yawn. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and sucked a little, feeling little and safe and like Daddy would take care of everything. Daddy gave him the smile that meant  _ gosh I love you a lot  _ which was Clint’s favorite smile. He tried to smile it back at Daddy and then at Bucky. He really really loved his family. 

He was maybe feeling a little bit sleepy during lunch and dropped one of his nuggets on the floor and started to cry and then Daddy said it was time for nap. Clint didn’t want to nap, but he did want to snuggle with Daddy and Bucky so he let Daddy pick him up and carry him into the bedroom. Daddy pulled his jeans off and tucked him under to covers before getting in between him and Bucky. Clint pushed close to Daddy side. He slipped his thumb into his mouth and found his blankie with the other one and listened to Daddy start reading. 

He dreamed of living in a spaceship with Daddy and Bucky and Phil and everybody and being happily ever after always.    
  


 


	2. Chapter 2

Clint woke up slowly some time later, still little. He blinked his eyes open. Daddy was gone but Bucky had cuddled close. They were both curled up on their side so their knees were touching and Clint’s blankie and Bucky’s dolls were laying in the pocket of space between their bodies. Cling sighed happily. This was one of the best parts about having a brother, not having to wake up alone. If Daddy couldn’t be there, Bucky usually was. It was nice. Bucky stirred a little and whined around his paci and his eyes fluttered open too. Tears were already gathering at the edges of Bucky’s eyes, because he had a hard time waking up and always wanted to see Daddy right away. For the first time, Bucky stopped crying when he saw Clint and that made Clint feel really really special and like a good brother. 

“Hi,” He said around his thumb. 

“Hi,” Bucky said back. For a minute they just lay there looked at each other. Bucky was lying on his hurt shoulder, so he could use his arm to get his dolls. Daddy had made them out of soft scraps of clothes. One was made to look like Bucky, missing arm and everything, while another was made to look just like Clint. Bucky carried them everywhere inside their apartment. Slowly he arranged them so they were lying like Clint and Bucky were. Clint smiled, tummy feeling warm and happy, and tucked the dolls in with his blanket. The door opened a little wider and Clint looked up. Daddy was leaning against the wall looking at them. His eyes were kinda teary but he was smiling. 

“Daddy!” Clint called. “Come cuddle!” 

Daddy smiled bigger and walked over. “I can’t say no to cuddles!” He climbed up between Bucky and Clint, carefully moving the dolls and blankie to rest on his chest in the same position while Bucky and Clint squished in close. Daddy kissed Clint’s head and Clint sighed in happiness. 

“What would you boys like to do this afternoon?”

“Snack!” Clint announced. His belly was rumbly. Daddy laughed and nodded. 

“Of course. And after that?” Clint thought about it. He sort of wanted to go down and finish the spaceship-treehouse, but he also kinda just wanted to stay with Daddy and Bucky. It was hard to choose.

“Read books,” Bucky said quietly. “An’ color.”  Clint thought about it. Usually Bucky’s choices were kind of quiet and a little boring, but Clint had a busy morning and it would nice to just be home. 

“Yuhuh,” Clint said. “Build spaceship next time.”

Daddy laughed and cuddled them tighter. “Sounds good to me babies.”

Clint breathed in Daddy and Bucky and hid his face in Daddy’s chest. He could feel Daddy’s hand sneaking down to check his pull up. He sort of wanted to blush and get upset, but it was hard to be embarrassed when it was just Bucky and Daddy. He was little. It was okay. He and Bucky both wet when they were little. It was okay. 

“Let’s get you boys changed and find some pants for Clinty.” Daddy said, scooching them all down the bed, making them bounce and crash together gently. Clint giggled. Daddy left them at the end of the bed and Clint turned his face to look at Bucky while Daddy got change stuff. 

“Was thinkin’,” Clint said shyly, “Maybe sometime you could come visit while you’re big?” 

Bucky’s eyes went big and wide and a little nervous. Daddy’s noises stopped for a moment. And Clint felt his stomach get all squirmy. What if Bucky didn’t want to? What if Bucky only liked him when he was little?

“I wanna,” Bucky said finally. “But m’scared.” Clint squirmed a little more. 

“I could help if I was big,” He said. He wanted to spend time with big Bucky cause Bucky was his brother and his friend and he wanted Bucky to know big him was good too, he really did. And it might be nice, to have a big friend who got little sometimes. They could talk about those things that no one else, not even Daddy, understood. 

Daddy appeared over them while Bucky thought. Bucky looked up at Daddy, eyes asking a question. 

“I think that sounds like a great idea. We’ll take it slow, yeah? Give everyone plenty of time to get used to it.” Clint sighed. Daddy could make anything work, once he put his mind to it. He smiled over at Bucky and Bucky grinned at him. Daddy smiled big at them and then turned to Clint. 

Daddy’s tapped Clint’s hip, saying “bum up.” It wasn’t even weird anymore, getting changed with Bucky right there, Clint thought as Daddy took his pull up away and quickly cleaned his skin. “Do you want a pull up this afternoon, lovebug?”

He didn’t always wear one at home and Bucky never did (unless people were visiting). He shook his head and Daddy helped him put undies on instead, and then a pair of sweatpants. Clint sat up and got off the bed, going to get some books from the shelf Daddy kept in the bedroom while Daddy changed Bucky. He felt safe and happy and excited and loved. They were good feelings. 

*

Steve worked on it with both of them, as promised. They started with big Clint hanging out with little Bucky and Steve, then big Clint and big Bucky and Steve, and then just big Clint and big Bucky, but in Steve’s apartment. Finally, Bucky felt good enough to come alone to Clint’s apartment and Clint was ridiculously excited (seriously he felt like a nine year old girl at her first boy band concert. It was pretty embarrassing). 

Steve had helped him pick out some non-triggering video games to teach Bucky and an acceptable movie, if they got to it. Bucky was eating with Steve, cause he still got anxious about eating the right amount (Bucky sometimes ate too much and got sick or didn’t eat enough and got headaches), but Clint had set up some desserts. Phil had been very accommodating and had agreed to clear out for the evening. Phil was kinda the best partner ever. JARVIS announced Steve and Bucky at the door and Clint rushed over and threw open the door, beaming. Bucky was standing next to Steve. He looked a little nervous but he grinned when he saw Clint. 

“Alright, I’ll get out of your hair,” Steve said. He leaned down and gave Bucky a tight hug. “I’ll be right downstairs and JARVIS will send for me if you boys need anything.” Bucky nodded, swallowed and watched Steve go. Clint felt bad for him. He knew how hard it was for Bucky to be away from Steve. But he and Steve had talked about and it was important that Bucky had some time away. 

“I thought I’d teach you to play Mario Kart?” Clint asked and Bucky turned back to him and grinned. 

They mostly played on the Wii, cause Bucky only had the one hand, but other than that Bucky was really good at video games. They got louder and louder, cheering each other on as much as they teased and it was easily the best night big Clint had with buddies in a while. Phil wasn’t much of a guy’s guy and Steve didn’t have the physical patience for video games. Thor would play sometimes, and Sam was always good for it when he was around, but it wasn’t the same as having a buddy to shoot the shit with and drink beer and eat their weight in junk food. The time passed too quickly and before Clint knew it JARVIS was announcing Steve at the door. 

Bucky looked up in surprise from the video games he’d been studying. “Already?”

Clint shrugged, surprised himself. “Guesso. Let him in JARVIS.” 

The door popped open and Steve came around the corner a moment later. He smiled at them. Bucky, despite how easy it had all seemed, went straight over to Steve. Steve gave him a big hug and Clint maybe felt just a tiny bit jealous, but he pushed it away. He knew if he asked or needed Steve would hug him too. He saw Steve’s hand pat Bucky’s bum and blushed a little bit. He hadn’t thought about the bathroom at all. Clint hardly ever had day accidents when he was big anymore, thank fucking god. It only really happened when he was little or he was really stressed out about something, or if he was like, really stupid about it or was otherwise prevented from going. But he knew Bucky had brain damage, that he physically couldn’t tell when he had to piss sometimes. Clint hadn’t thought about what Bucky would do about that when he was big. From the (way too fucking familiar) gesture, Clint guessed Bucky had worn a pull up, which made him feel a little weird for reasons he couldn’t quite put in words. 

“Did you have a good time?” Steve asked, leaving an arm around Bucky’s shoulder and addressing the both of them. 

“Yeah!” Bucky said, sounding genuinely happy. Clint perked up again. 

“Yeah, it was great. We should do it again soon.” He meant it too. Bucky nodded and grinned and glanced up at Steve. Clint looked at Steve too. He was beaming and nodding. 

“I’m glad. We’ll figure out a time. Bucky and I are gonna head up to bed, but we’ll see you tomorrow Clint?” Clint nodded, trying to figure out when he was gonna fit his work out in. He might have to talk to Steve about playing less. It’s not that he didn’t like playing as much as they did, but he had grown up responsibilities too (ones that he could actually fucking meet so he was going to meet them if it killed him - okay not really, but the sentiment was true). 

“Yeah. Maybe at noon? Gotta go to the range.” He said. 

“Sounds good,” Steve nodded and then swept out of the room with Bucky. 

Clint collapsed back against the couch, feeling his grin in every one of his bones. God he fucking loved his family. 

*

Bucky was a little bit exhausted, but in a really good way. He didn’t usually feel good after Steve had been gone, but Clint had been almost as reassuring. Clint reminded him of where he was, even if big Clint wasn’t quite as familiar as little Clint. He’d had a really good time and was feeling pretty decent about himself but he could already feel himself slipping to little, just because of the exhaustion and effort tonight had taken. It had been worth it but now he was sleepy. Bucky sighed and let himself drift into that space in his head.

He leaned a little closer to Daddy, tucking his face to his skin and let his hair fall into his eyes a little bit. He hummed a bit under his breath and without hesitating Daddy scooped him up. Bucky smiled and let his head rest on Daddy’s broad shoulder. 

“Hey baby.” Daddy said. Daddy always said hi when Bucky shifted headspaces, which was nice. It made him feel seen. 

“Hi Daddy.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Yuhuh. Just tired.” Bucky explained, not wanting Daddy to think that he hadn’t enjoyed himself. 

“I bet. It’s past your bedtime, little boy.” Bucky whined just because he could, because it was safe to complain or to say no. Daddy chuckled and the doors opened to their floor. Daddy carried him into the bathroom. He lay Bucky down on the squishy bath mat, the one that had foam in it so Daddy could use it to change them and to protect his knees when he was giving them baths. Daddy rolled up his sleeves and started the bath, pouring bubbles in. Bucky stuck a finger in his mouth and sucked a little. There was a paci in his pocket (just in case, Daddy had said when he’d put it there before Bucky went to Clint’s) but even that felt far away. When Daddy turned back to him, he smiled all warm and pulled a paci out of his own pocket and offered it to Bucky. It had taken a while to be okay with, but Bucky liked his pacis and he gladly took it and started to suck. Daddy gently took his t-shirt off. Bucky shivered a little and Daddy ran his hands up and down Bucky’s side until he was warm again. Daddy tapped his hip and Bucky lifted his bum so Daddy could pull down his jeans. 

Daddy hadn’t been sure about jeans tonight, in case Bucky needed to get to the potty fast, so they’d compromised and used the ones that Daddy had made to have a velcro close that Bucky could do even when he was in a hurry. He whined and blushed a little now that Daddy could see his pull up (he’d drunk a lot at Clint’s and he’d been too shy to ask about the potty even though he knew he should have). Daddy hushed him and pulled away the icky pull up before lifting Bucky into the tub. 

The water felt warm and real and soft and good and Bucky leaned back into the tub and let Daddy wash him. He was too tired to come up with words but Daddy never made him talk when he couldn’t, so it was okay. Daddy hummed a song under his breath instead and got Bucky clean pretty quick. Usually Bucky would have asked for more time (Daddy always gave him more time in the tub if he asked) but he was too tired and he really just wanted to cuddle with Daddy and have him hold Bucky close and maybe tell a story. Daddy wrapped him up tight in a towel and carried him to the bedroom. Bucky could barely help Daddy with his diaper, that’s how tired he was and Daddy sort of chuckled at him while he helped him put his fuzziest pjs on and tucked him under the covers. Daddy stripped to his boxers (which he only did when it was just Bucky and him. When Clint spent the night, Daddy always wore a t-shirt too and sometimes pj pants. Bucky didn’t know why it was different, but he liked having Daddy’s skin close. It made him feel more real.) Then Daddy climbed into bed with Bucky and scooped him close, so that Bucky’s paci was pushed up against Daddy’s shoulder. Bucky relaxed into him and fell asleep before he could even ask for a story. 

*

It started to be a regular thing, Bucky going to Clint’s. Steve didn’t always let him go at night, because Bucky might have been super tired and ‘fussy’ the next day (Steve’s words, not his) but he was pretty much always allowed in the afternoon. He even started going down when Phil was around - Phil was pretty quiet and didn’t really ask too much of Bucky, so it wasn’t that bad. 

It was Steve who brought the idea up and Bucky knew that he had ulterior motives, but he kinda liked the idea anyway. So that night he was packing a bag and he was gonna sleep at Clint’s. Bucky still couldn’t sleep alone, so Phil was out for the night so Bucky and Clint could share a bed. Bucky felt kinda bad about that, and it made the ice a little thin between his feet but Clint and Steve had both promised Phil was totally okay with it, so Bucky tried not to worry too much. 

Steve was sitting on the bed, letting Bucky pack. Which was okay at first, as he stacked his ‘biggest’ pjs into the bag and a change of underwear and then the thought hit him and he looked up, panicked, at Steve. 

“What’s wrong Bucky?” Steve asked, coming closer. Bucky swallowed and tried to make the words and felt the ice creeping up his ankles. Steve put a hand on his wrist and Bucky looked at him. Steve just looked back, eyes even, face steady. Bucky breathed the way Steve had taught him until the ice was back at his toes.

“I - uh -Steve the bathroom. And sleeping.” Steve’s face cleared a little, which was the opposite of how Bucky felt. He always wore a - a, protection when he went to Clint’s because he didn’t always know and if he did he sometimes had a hard time asking Clint to pause the game or movie. And Bucky needed protection at night. He couldn’t wet the bed, not with Clint in it. It was different when Clint was big. Bucky knew that sometimes Clint had problems when he was big, but not like Bucky did because he wasn’t broken like Bucky was and - 

“I was thinking we’d pack some extra pull ups and pack of wipes. You can do that by yourself.” Bucky could, but he didn’t like having to deal with it when he was big - he liked to pretend it only happened when he was little, and if he had to be little more to make himself feel that way it was okay. Dealing with all of this when he was big just made him feel really fucking broken. 

“But - night, they leak.” Bucky managed, words feeling tangled up in his throat and brain. He wasn’t going to cry he told himself and his eyes started to burn. But then Steve was putting his hand on his back and Bucky couldn’t help it and tears started to leak out. It was more frustration than anything else - frustration with his body and all the ways it didn’t work anymore, frustration with himself for not being able to manage this simple thing that four year olds did every fucking day. 

“Bucky, shh. Bud, you’re okay. I know this sucks. I know. I’m sorry. I wish it was me and not you. But I promise there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people deal with this everyday, especially soldiers and other people who’ve seen combat. Clint does.”

Bucky just shook his head. “Not like me.”

“Not anymore,” Steve agreed with a sigh, “But right after Loki Clint had accidents almost every day.” Bucky hadn’t known that. But it still wasn’t the same. Clint had gotten better, he didn’t have a broken brain that would make this impossible. 

As if reading his mind, Steve said, “And we don’t know what your body will do with time. In the meantime, we’ll keep handling it. I never mind, you know that.”’ Bucky sighed. Steve probably meant it honestly and really believed it but Bucky couldn’t see how Steve didn’t mind having to deal with a grown man’s piss. At least Bucky could feel when he had to shit, he thought derisively. He pushed the thoughts away. He didn’t want to get mad or upset right now. He didn’t want to hurt himself or Steve and have to cancel this. He was kind of weirdly excited and he wanted it to go well. So he would just do what Steve told him to. He could believe in Steve. He steeled himself, and looked up again. Steve was looking at him carefully and offered him a gentle smile when their eyes met. 

“So,” Steve was some kind of mind reader, Bucky swore. He always knew when to change topic or restart a conversation. “You’ll wear your pull ups, just like you usually do. I’m sure that you can handle changing on your own, but if you need help you can ask Clint or have JARVIS call me.” Bucky blushed at the idea of asking Clint to help him change. God, that would be awful. “And if you leak tonight, that’s fine. Clint’s bed is protected and he won’t get mad.” Bucky sighed. It would be awful but he believed Steve when he said Clint wouldn't get mad. Clint never judged Bucky harshly, even when he probably deserved it. “Does that sound okay, Bucky?”

Bucky nodded hesitantly. He didn’t want to have to deal with it, but he did want to have a good night with Clint - to just have fun when he was big. So he’d try. Steve wouldn’t be far if Bucky needed him. Bucky repeated that to himself a couple times until the ice firmed up and nodded a little more surely. Steve smiled and moved to the storage bench he kept at the foot of the bed. He pulled a stack of pull ups out and set them in Bucky’s bag. Bucky blushed and looked away, glancing back under his eyelashes (he needed to know where everything was). Steve settled in a pack of wipes beside them. He looked up and met Bucky’s gaze and tucked a paci and one of his dolls (the Bucky one) and his sleep aid into the front pocket of his bags. Bucky blushed but felt reassured, knowing that the objects would be there if he needed them. He slipped away from Steve with a mumbled, “Gonna pee.”

He tried to empty his entire body of piss through sheer force of will and then promptly put away all thoughts of his - issues and went back out to Steve, who had the backpack settled on his shoulder. Steve grinned and wrapped an arm around him. Bucky sort of felt like a kid on his first day of school as Steve took him down to Clint’s. His stomach was all fluttery with nerves and he couldn’t help himself from leaning close to Steve. The door was already open when we got there, Clint waiting. His brother was grinning and bouncing on his toes. He almost looked little but Bucky knew better, could see in the crookedness of his grin and the angle of his hips that Clint was big. 

“C’mon Bucky! I just got this awesome new game and I’m gonna beat your ass into the ground.”

Bucky found himself grinning and saying, “Ha! Could take you with hand tied behind my back!” Clint guffawed and Bucky felt his worries fall far away. Steve smiled brilliantly at him and gave him a quick hug and kiss and handed him his bag and left. Bucky felt a momentary flare of panic, but then Clint was pulling him into the apartment and the feeling went away. 

At first, the night felt like any other night with Clint. Bucky had already eaten with Steve (the one time he’d tried to eat dinner with Clint he had eaten so much he’d spent most of the night puking and crying and apologizing. Instead Bucky ate a light dinner with Steve and then ate snacks with Clint). Clint was right about the awesome new game and Bucky quickly lost himself in the friendly competition with his brother. He felt that a lot, now, that Clint was his brother no matter the headspace they were in. It was a good feeling and it nice to be tied to someone beside Steve in the tower. So he was having a really nice night. 

But then he got the sudden urge to pee that usually meant he wasn’t gonna make it unless he went right the fuck now. He dropped his controller and stumbled to his feet, already turning towards the bathroom. 

“Bucky?” Clint sounded really concerned but Bucky really really had to go and he couldn’t focus on not pissing himself  _ and  _ making words come out so he just stumbled toward Clint’s bedroom and bathroom. “Are you gonna be sick?”

Bucky managed to shake his head at that and started fumbling with his pants, which is when Clint finally got it. 

“Oh.  _ Oh. _ Okay, let’s go.” Bucky blushed all over as Clint put a hand around his back and pushed him forward. Bucky almost tripped over his own feet and finally got the velcro on his jeans undone. Clint helped him push down the pull up and thank fucking god, Bucky made it. He had to sit, he was so shaky. He was mortified that Clint had seen him like that, but he hadn’t pissed himself. 

“I- uhm, I’ll just wait in the living room for you?” Clint muttered and disappeared. Bucky almost felt like crying but he pushed it back. Clint wasn’t mad and he’d helped and it was  _ fine _ , he told himself firmly as he pulled his protection and jeans back into place with a little wiggle to help them move up his legs. Clint had put a brush in his sink like the one Bucky used at home so that Bucky could wash his hand on his own. When Clint had shown Bucky, Bucky had almost cried because he was so grateful. He tried to focus on the knowledge that Clint was the kind of brother who did that stuff for him, who would help him make it to the bathroom, and who would definitely not make fun of him. 

When he went back out to the living, flustered and shy, Clint pretended it had never happened. Bucky was really really lucky to have a brother like Clint he thought as he sat back down on the couch, picking up his controller. 

Bucky started getting really tired at about 10:00 - usually he was in bed by 9:00 and he hadn’t been able to settle for a nap today. Bucky knew most grown men didn’t take naps - Steve certainly didn’t and Clint only did when they were little. Just one more thing his fucked up brain needed - but it was the least of them, really, and usually Bucky didn’t mind, but today he just hadn’t been able to relax enough. So he was even more tired than usual. They’d switched to a movie  and Clint seemed to really be enjoying it and Bucky didn’t want to spoil things for his brother when he’d been so good to Bucky. He hid another yawn. His body was fighting wakefulness hard now, and the ice felt tilty under his feet and Bucky half wanted to cry and half wanted to scream and he wished he was home with Steve. 

Bucky curled up in the corner of the couch and fought the feelings. The fight made his whole body shake and finally Clint noticed. He looked alarmed and Bucky felt even worse. 

“Bucky? Are you okay?”

Bucky searched for words. “Tired. Miss Steve.”

“Oh,” Clint said and he looked a little sad. But he firmed up his face. “We could get ready for bed and then call him before we go to sleep.” Bucky brightened a little at that plan. It would be good to talk to Steve but if Bucky needed him here Steve would take him home and Bucky didn’t want to ruin their plans. He nodded at Clint.

Clint grinned and stood up, turning the TV off and offering a hand to Bucky. Bucky reached out with his hand and let Clint stabilize him as he stood up. He remembered his bag at the end of the couch and sleepily followed Clint into the bedroom. 

“You can, uhm, change in the bathroom if you want?” Clint offered, stripping off his own shirt. Bucky felt too sleepy to be embarrassed about his pull up and Clint was already familiar with his body, so he didn’t bother. He pulled out a new pull up, even though the one he was wearing was dry. The elastic sometimes got stretched out if he wore them too long and Bucky kinda hated that he knew that. He switched the garments quickly and then slid on his pjs pants and the t-shirt of Steve’s that he’d brought to sleep in. He carried the pull up into the bathroom to throw out. Clint was laying out a new toothbrush for Bucky that Bucky could leave there. 

The idea made Bucky feel a little warm and fuzzy. Clint had set up Bucky’s toothbrush just like Steve did, with the toothpaste all ready to go. Bucky smiled and picked it up. That was nice. By the time Bucky actually made it to bed, having taken his sleep aid after brushing his teeth, he was already mostly asleep. He climbed into the side of bed he usually slept on, had a stray thought that it was Phil’s side, Clint put an arm around him and Bucky fell asleep before they could even talk about calling Steve. 

* 

Clint woke in the middle of the night. At first, he wasn’t sure what had woken him. Bucky was breathing soft, snuffly breaths that were reassuringly familiar. Other than that the room was dark, still, and quiet. When he felt the wetness on his leg he dared to hope that it was Bucky. But Bucky had been wearing a pull up and even if it had leaked there wouldn't be so much wetness. He pushed back the covers and stared down at the wet patch covering his lap. 

He swallowed tightly. He hadn’t even considered the possibility - that he’d. Clint always wet when he fell asleep little. And while big he wasn’t quite at his pre-Loki rate, it was rarely more than twice a month (though like his day accidents, if he was stressed or stupid about it, it could happen). But he wasn’t stressed and he’d peed before bed and...Clint felt frustrated and embarrassed tears choking him up. And now he’d wet the bed and he and Bucky were both wet and would need  to change and Bucky couldn’t shower and he felt really overwhelmed. 

“JARVIS?” Clint whimpered. 

“I’ll send for Captain Rogers.” Clint kind of hated that even JARVIS was used to this enough to know exactly what to do. The noise made Bucky shift and flutter his eyes open. He blinked around in confusion. Clint could tell when he felt the wetness but he could also tell that Bucky thought he’d leaked - his whole body froze up and he looked like he might start crying too. Clint couldn’t handle it if Bucky cried right then. 

“Sorry Bucky - I dunno. I didn’t mean-” Bucky looked at him in confusion for a moment before understanding dawned and his face softened. 

“S’okay Clint,” Bucky murmured, scooching closer even though Clint was gross. But he’d already gotten Bucky gross so what did it matter. Another couples tears slipped down Clint’s face. 

“Steve’s comin’” Clint explained, leaning into Bucky’s side. “M’sorry. I didn’t think I would tonight.”

“I don’t mind,” Bucky said. “Not mad.” Bucky hugged him. It wasn’t as good as Steve’s hugs but even with one arm Bucky could hug better than most people. Clint just stayed there, in Bucky’s arm, up against his narrow chest, trying to breathe long and slow until he heard the front door open and then the bedroom door open.

And then Steve was saying, “Hi boys” and Clint couldn’t help it and he started crying all over again. He was already falling, because waking up wet unexpectedly tended to do that to him, especially if Steve showed up. A second later Steve had wrapped both of them up in his arms, nice and tight. Clint felt his headspace shift a little lower. 

“What happened, babies? JARVIS said the bed was wet?” Clint whined a sob. Bucky didn’t say anything though. He felt Steve’s hands creeping down and checking. “Oh. Hey, shh, Clint, it’s okay.”

“I was big,” Clint argued. “And I wasn’t feeling bad, I wasn’t.”

“I know, I know. This was kinda a surprise, huh?” Clint nodded into Steve’s chest. 

“I bet I know what happened.” Clint looked up in surprise at Steve. Steve looked calm and warm, even though it was the middle of the night and Clint and Bucky had woken him up and were getting him all icky. 

“You do?” Clint asked. 

“I bet that even though you felt big your body got confused, because you usually only sleep with Bucky when you’re little. Maybe you just slipped a little in your sleep?” Clint didn’t know if that was possible but the idea made him feel a little better. 

“So,” Steve continued, “What would you boys like to do? You both need to get cleaned up and Bucky’s going to need a bath.” Clint tried to refocus his headspace, but what he really wanted was a bath and a diaper and to go to Daddy’s bed. He didn’t wanna ruin their night, though. 

“Can we try again another time?” Clint asked, looking to Bucky. Bucky was looking little around the eyes too and he nodded, yawning sleepily. 

“I think that would be a good idea,” Steve agreed. “We’ll just go home tonight, hmm?” 

And Clint let himself fall completely. Daddy was there and his brother was there and they were both okay and he was okay. Daddy was going to clean them up and put them back to bed and in the morning Clint could play with his brother and another time Bucky and he would have another sleep over because Bucky was his brother, and like Daddy, he wasn’t going anywhere. They had forever and ever to be brothers. 

  
_fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm so sorry I've failed to respond to comments. I am reading and appreciating them just as much as ever and will respond when RL gets a little quieter.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a [tumblr](https://imdefinitelyyourcat.tumblr.com/) where I answer asks and write ficlets and reblog feelings. If you missed it, last week I posted [proof](https://imdefinitelyyourcat.tumblr.com/post/147412395354/in-honor-of-the-most-recent-addition-to-everybody) that I am an amazing finger painter.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [You Ever Were a Child](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7639045) by [WhatEvenAmI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatEvenAmI/pseuds/WhatEvenAmI)




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